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she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
(via luminousrogue)
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a detailed list of people who have a crush on me:
(Source: 270293, via luminousrogue)
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is it just me or is talking to your hairdresser the most uncomfortable thing in the world
I’m a hairdresser, I love it when guests talk to me. Just don’t be stupid
(Source: yuckier, via luminousrogue)
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NSFW ASKS
1: When did you lose your virginity?
2: Rough sex or soft sex?
3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?
4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?
5: Favourite sex position?
6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?
7: Have you ever had any one night stands?
8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?
9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?
10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?
11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?
12: How often do you have sex?
13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?
14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?
15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?
16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?
17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?
18: Are you into dressing up for sex?
19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?
20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?
21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?
22: Do you/would you use sex toys?
23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?
24: Would you have sex with your best friend?
25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)
26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?
27: Early morning sex or late night sex?
28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?
29: Favourite body part on the same sex?
30: Do you watch porn?
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shoutout to all the other ex-gifted & talented/honor student/straight a/senior editor/star student/99th percentile/once-creative burn-outs who have, since high school, realized they are truly miniscule fish in a giant, endless ocean, criticized themselves to the point of creative paralysis, and participated in so much self-sabotage they no longer see the point of doing anything at all because they’re just going to ruin it for themselves anyway
:)
this one’s for you
(via luminousrogue)
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no one ever likes me as much as i like them and that’s it
(Source: lintott, via luminousrogue)
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Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.
But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be fucking cussing like a cunt-fuckin’ sailor you maggot-ridden piece of dick.
(via panserbj0rne)
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Tumblr Code.If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
(Source: aru, via luminousrogue)
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my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
(via phantomselfidentity)
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how am i supposed to concentrate in science when whENEVER I LOOK TO THE LEFT I SEE THIS
AT LEAST YOU DON”T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS
AT LEAST YOU DONT HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO THIS
what
(Source: madturbating, via kankrivantass9cialjustice6l9gger)
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